


I gave my father my tinder and he swiped left for two hours

by tall_wolf_of_tarth



Series: Tinder shenanigans [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Tarth!, Tinder, based on tweet, but I wrote it so it's yours, i don't know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tall_wolf_of_tarth/pseuds/tall_wolf_of_tarth
Summary: Based on this tweet.“My cousin told me her dad was giving her shit about Finding A Man so she gave him her tinder and he sat on the couch swiping left for two hours like “omai... they are all so ugly” until he apologized and told he to take her time..”
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: Tinder shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584565
Comments: 24
Kudos: 146





	I gave my father my tinder and he swiped left for two hours

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having trouble with my tall wolf au so I wrote this instead. And I might have some repressed anger after seeing my family over holidays, so don't be surprised that Brienne is very pissed off in this fic. 
> 
> I combined this with the other Tinder fic I wrote, but this is not continuation for that, more like AU.

Based on [this tweet](https://twitter.com/hermit_hwarang/status/1203937291900555265). _“My cousin told me her dad was giving her shit about Finding A Man so she gave him her tinder and he sat on the couch swiping left for two hours like “omai... they are all so ugly” until he apologized and told he to take her time..”_

**Another silly Tinder fic**

“Aw come on, sweetling, I didn't mean it like that!”

“Just how did you mean it, dad, when you said that I'm going to die as an old maid?”

“You know, I'm just worried about you. Being all alone in Kings Landing like that. I just wish you would find someone nice. There are so many good looking, nice boys around. I just wish you'd pick someone.”

“And where would I find this nice, good looking boy? Please instruct me where is this sea of good looking nice boys? Ah, dad? Please instruct me?”

“Have you tried Tinder?” That was Gal's wife. The smug girl sat on the sofa in her pretty dress, with her pretty engagement ring he got when she was 17. Like she had to ever in her life endure something so mundane like online dating. The fury in Brienne's insides burned like a dragons breath.

“Fucking Tinder? You think there are nice, good looking men in Tinder?”

She stood up from the sofa. Three pairs of eyes looked at her worriedly.

“Now, Bree, please don't go to chop wood again. Dad has enough firewood to burn through the next century.” That was Gal, and he _smirked_.

Brienne stood there with her hands shaking.

“Fine!” She pulled out her phone from her pocket and unlocked it. He marched to her father and gave the phone to him.

“Here is Tinder. Go through that and swipe right every fucking nice boy you see there and make sure they are also good looking.”

***

“Do you like redheads, Bree? Here is a nice tall man with a beard --- Seven Hells, he just sent me a dick pick!”

***

“Is that Ramsay Bolton? I thought he got two life sentences? I wasn't aware one can use phones in prison.”

***

“Oh gods, why is this one wearing only salad green clothes?”

***

“Why are they all so ugly?”

***

“Seven Hells, another dick!!”

***

“I'm so sorry sweetling, I didn't know that it's like that. And please, delete this app, it's a menace.”

***

Brienne had to say that watching his father swipe left for two hours gave her some satisfaction but in the end she was still supremely pissed off. She had to endure his fathers matchmaking for years, and every holiday spent with him gave her anxiety. “At least he didn't invite some asshole over for holidays like he did that one time. And you know, he only means well.” Gal never had to endure any of their fathers shenanigans, being smugly married when he was twenty. Brienne, on the other hand, had to endure a string of sons of friends, blind dates ending badly and constant delicate questions _like so have you met any new friends lately_?

“It is your own fault, you know Bree. You shouldn't have dumped Kyle.”

“Hyle.” she corrected tightly and tried to count to ten. “And Hyle was an asshole.”

“Whatever.” Gal rolled his eyes. “you shouldn't be so picky. What was wrong with the last guy dad set you up with?”

“What wasn't wrong with Humfrey Wagstaff?” Brienne started to seethe now. “He was older than dad! And fucking misogynist!” She was yelling now.

“Like I said, you shouldn't have dumped Kyle.”

And then Brienne saw red. It was much redder than Lannister red. It was red like fresh blood gushing out of the wound, red like rubies on her sword and red like the sky burning upon the ice zombie apocalypse. And before Brienne could fetch her sword, and start kinslaying her family she stuffed her sneakers on her feet and left the building with a thundering bang to the kitchen door.

Dad had put a padlock on the woodshed, so she wasn't able to go and chop firewood to burn off her anger and had to reside only running. She ran like she was chased by a pack of dire wolfs, until her lungs burned and she tasted blood in her mouth. She dropped the pace then and jogged idly around the paths and tracks around the meadows and hills. After an hour or so, she headed towards her uncle Goodwin's house and she was almost calm again. Uncle Goodwin was the best, like always. He greeted Brienne happily, gave her a banana and some juice to drink and then they sat down to uncle Goodwin worn sofa to watch his old tourney videos. Uncle Goodwin did not comment on Brienne's lack of boyfriends and only asked about her work in the museum and her training for next tourney which she was happy to talk about. She would have showed him a video of her latest match, but she had forgotten her phone to her father's house. After a good couple of hours sitting happily with her favourite uncle said uncle ushered her out and ordered her to go back home before the sunset.

She took her time with her return journey, as she still felt pissed off whenever she thought about her family. And she was even more pissed when Gal's car stopped by her.

“Bree! Look at you, you are all red and sweaty,” beamed Gal's smug wife from the passenger seat.

“Well, yeah, I was running.” Brienne rolled her eyes.

“You'd better get back home soon, dad brought someone over” marked Gal from inside the car and Brienne's insides went cold suddenly.

“Who did he brought?” Please say his girlfriend, she prayed inside her head. Brienne had hated each and every girlfriend dad had dated, but right now she would love any women her dad would bring over. Alas, no such luck was present.

“Some rich asshole he wants you to date.”

And with that, Gal and his smug wife drove away.

That of course meant that Brienne was left to meet this unknown rich asshole with only her father present and no other buffer. No wonder Gal and his smug wife ran off to their own home, not wanting to participate in the drama. Brienne pondered for a moment if she too could escape somewhere else, run back to Goodwin, maybe? Or run to the ferry terminal and camp out until next ferry? But she would need her wallet and phone to escape back to the mainland. And Brienne never ran away from the battle. She allowed herself to imagine for a moment that she was Maid of Tarth, running towards the battle. Maid of Tarth would lift the Oathkeeper above her head, shout “Evenfall!” and run with fierce determination towards her worthless enemies.

Her determination died off as soon as she saw her father's house again. Or mainly, when she saw that her father's car was _not_ in front of the house. _The fucker has left me alone with this unknown asshole._ She almost cried then. Her father had brought over some strange man, probably someone he found from Tinder, and left him in the house for her to find and get rid of.

This time, the rage inside her was not red and hot any more. It was white, and very very cold but it burned even more brightly.

 _I'm going to take the Oathkeeper from it's hiding place and I'm going to murder someone with it._ Brienne thought. _Possibly my father._

The thought calmed her. She debated for a moment between the sword and the crossbow, latter being a traditional weapon for patricide like in that famous play where Lannisters kill each other, but in the end, the crossbow was a cowards weapon and the sword had always been Brienne's preferred weapon.

_Yes. I'll go in the house, greet the asshole, excuse myself for a moment, get the sword from upstairs, chase the asshole out of the house and never, ever forgive my father._

“Tarth! Evenfall!” shouted Maid of Tarth inside Brienne's head when she marched inside her fathers house. There was a man in the living room, standing by the fireplace looking at the family photos. But that was just Jaime Lannister, not some unknown bastard of her father's choosing. Her blind date was nowhere to be seen.

“Jaime!” she sighed and as soon as Jaime saw her he marched towards her and pulled her to a tight hug. “Brienne! Gods, I've missed you!”

“It's only been two days, Jaime,” she said when pulling out of the hug. “Jaime, where is the asshole?” She looked around.

“What asshole?”

“The asshole that my dad has set me up with. Did you kick him out of the house?” If Jaime has kicked out the asshole, I'm going to fuck him right here, thought Brienne.

“Oh, I haven't seen anyone else. Ugh, Brienne, did he set you up again with someone? How bad was it this time?”

“I haven't seen him yet. I just saw Gal, who said that dad has brought someone to the house for me to meet.”

 _Ah_ , and it dawned on them both.

“I'm the asshole,” said Jaime. “You're the asshole,” said Brienne at the same time. It took her a little time to recalibrate her thoughts, but when she did, she hugged Jaime again. She was all sweaty and gross from her run, but Jaime didn't seem to mind and clung to her like a limpet.

“I'm so glad it's you. At least I know you. Honestly, I was planning to get the Oathkeeper from my room and go full Wun Wun on everyone, I was so upset with my family.”

“You keep the Oathkeeper in your room?” Jaime looked both pleased and horrified.

“Jaime,” she stepped back again. “How the hell did my dad managed to lure you here?”

Jaime rubbed his hand through his hair.

“Well, I was in Storm's End...”

“Why the hell were you in Storm's end?” interrupted Brienne. “I thought you were going to Casterly Rock for holidays?”

“I did” Jaime rubbed his face. “I left.”

“Was it that bad? Did your dad bring Lysa Tully over again?”

“Yes, he did! It was horrible.” She wanted to give him another hug. Jaime's family was famously shitty. Even more so that her own. 

“So I left,” he continued. “and flew to Storm's End. I was in the ferry terminal, trying to call you, but your dad picked it up instead, and then we started to talk and then he insisted I'd come over to visit.”

“But Jaime, why were you in ferry terminal?”

“I was going to come over.” He looked at her reluctantly. “You know, you said that I could come over if I want to. And I did try to call you and ask if I still can. But you know, your dad had your phone.” He looked anxious and desperately cute. “Why did your dad have your phone?”

“He was giving me a hard time again about me being picky with men, so I gave him my Tinder and told him to find “ _someone nice”_ from there.” She pulled a face and did embarrassing air quote thing when said _someone nice_. Jaime chuckled but then his eyes went dark and he stepped close to her.

“Wench, why do you still have Tinder on your phone?” He had his hands on her sides now. “And you don't need to find _someone nice_ , you have me.” His voice was low and grumbling and Brienne's insides went all mush.

“Jaime, I'm all sweaty from my run...” she tried to pull away from his arms but he didn't let her.

“I don't care. I've missed you.” And then he was kissing her and it felt just as good as it had two days ago when he had kissed her first time.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, Selwyn saw Jaime calling and thought ah, there is a nice-looking lad for my darling Brienne and ordered him to come over to Tarth. 
> 
> And before this fic there was a holiday party in the museum where Jaime and Brienne both work... and stuff happened, and they haven't really talked about it yet.


End file.
